I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
