Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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