Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
