after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
