a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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