At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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