I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
