At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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