He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
