I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
