lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
