I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So squirting runs in the family.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
