I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
