he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
