i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
