Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
