I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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