I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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