Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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