I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
