i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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