if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
