what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
