Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
