dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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