My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
