worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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