is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
