Christians are straight up FREAKS
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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