Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
