AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
