I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
