Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
