he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
