Jerry, you need to find god
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
