Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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