Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
