Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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