There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
