You're completely useless in the revolution.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
