Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
