I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
