Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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