Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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