It's Friday. Sex?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
