Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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