That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
