Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
