Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
