I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
