if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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