You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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