Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He passed out mid-signature
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
